Today is a very emotional day for me. This marks the second anniversary (although, I don’t like that word, because this is not a cause for celebration) since my Nanny left this earth. She was my world, my rock. Because of her I learned how to read and love it, how to survive, how to become a strong woman, how to love unconditionally and forgive, and how to yard-sale like no other.
They say (whoever they are) that with time it gets easier. Well…with me it hasn’t gotten easier. The pain is still there, it just doesn’t rear its head as often but when it does it feels like July 12, 2011 all over again. What does that mean? It means that there are days and even weeks where I don’t mourn her death or even think about it. There are days where I can see her picture and remember the wonderful times I had with her. I can tell my kids about all the wonderful memories I had with her without crying. But then…there are days where it feels like someone has punched me in the gut. I can’t think about her without tearing up. If I see her picture, I cry. So for me, it hasn’t gotten easier, the pain just isn’t as constant anymore. So maybe that is what “they” should say, “With time the pain doesn’t hit like a ton of bricks everyday, just some days.”
Every night before my kids go to bed we say our nightly prayers. About once or twice a month, Lydia will say in her nightly prayers, “God, please give Nanny a hug for us. We miss her.” Now that, that gets me every time.
I wish that my kids would have gotten more time with her. I wish they could have went to more yard sales with her. I wish she could have shared more stories with them. I just wish…
But no matter what I wish, it’s not coming true. So instead I have to share what I have of her with them. The stories, the memories, her love for them. And she loved my kids so much! When my oldest was born, I had to tell her to quit buying things for him. But do you think she listened? Oh no. The boy’s room was overflowing with toys and clothes because of her. Every time we would go see Nanny, she would say, “I got Hayden a little something.” A little something was always a bag full of somethings. And she didn’t stop when the other two came along either. She kept right on giving and giving. Another thing she always did was call my kids at least weekly to talk to them. I would lay the phone by their ears and she would just talk and talk and talk to them. They would always smile and babble back. Sweet memories
My Nanny would give you her last dollar if you needed it. She was the most giving person I know. The strange thing is she would always know when someone needed something, without them ever telling her. And she would NEVER take no for an answer, so if she gave you something you took it. Period.
She was just an amazing woman who is missed by so many. But I know that one day I will be reunited with her. That gives me great comfort when I am having one of those days where the pain is too much.
If ever one day God blesses me with grandchildren, I want to be a grandmother just like my Nanny. She was the best and that is not an exaggeration. She always had an open door policy and treats waiting. If I wanted to go to her house and spend the night, I knew that I didn’t even have to ask. She would be waiting with a hug, a kiss, and a yummy treat. That is the kind of grandmother I want to be.
Nanny, you left the world a better place and we still miss you! You set the bar super-high for grandmas and I am blessed that God gave me you as mine for 30 years.